Why I am Michael Cera in every movie ever

I've written and rewritten this post many times, for fear of revealing to much or not revealing enough about my personal life and opinions.  But doing so has basically left me emotionally drained, so I've decided to just tell it like it is without any of the supplementary information that my subconscious has tied to this whole situation. 

Long story short: I got turned down to go to my school's prom, and then I realized that I didn't actually want to go to prom - just to go with the girl that I asked.

My inner 1930s-schoolboy is weeping.

"Why the hell are you bitching about this?  Usually your posts are usually so culturally relevant and interesting to read!" (For the record, the last books I've read were written in 1995 and 2002)

I honestly don't know, person-whose-contribution-to-the-message-of-this-post-is-not-relevant-but-nonetheless-provides-some-degree-of-self-deprecating-humor-and-okay-i'll-stop-now... maybe because I feel like it's important or something?  This is the long-hinted-at Girl A who's flung me up and down a roller coaster of limerent joy and despair for three years.  I decided earlier this year that the getting-over-you phase is both futile and cowardly.  Prior to last year, I hadn't known anybody else with the sort of long-standing attraction that had characterized my high school years, but now I know plenty of those people, so I don't feel alone in that respect.  Since this is my last year of knowing her, as well, I realized that I had nothing to lose - that otherwise I'd spend who-knows-how-long in college regretting not having done anything to win her.

Conveniently for me, as the time for going, "Oh shit, school's almost out, what do I do now?" approached, so did prom.  I put two and two together, and made four.  After that, I realized that I could ask girl A to prom.  Then I smacked myself for not realizing it soon enough.  Anyway, I made several failed attempts to ask her, and after my third, I consulted some friends on finding a way to ask her in a way that she can't ignore, but isn't ridiculously over-the-top (because I was fairly confident that I would be rejected).  Then the idea came to me: macaroni art.  This is the result:

Pretty good, eh?  Suddenly I was confident that she would say yes - you would, wouldn't you (assuming you are feminine in nature)?  So I made a last minute check with her friend to see if she had a date, which I didn't think she did.  Her friend said that she didn't know for sure, and mentioned another guy who might be interested.  But I wasn't worried.  Anyway, I asked her the next morning and she said "no" because she was going with somebody else.  I did get brownie points for asking her so fantastically though.

I followed up by asking her who she was going with, and suddenly became (in my opinion, understandably) paranoid when she refused to tell me.  There are only two reasons that I can think of as to why she would do this. 

1. Bitch is lyin'.
2. She ain't lyin', but she doesn't want to hurt my feelings.  Which means she thinks I'm a gigantic pussy.

I doubt one, which means two is probably true.  Anyway, the rest of my day was spent moping and half-heartedly trying to figure out who she was going with.  Then - surprises abound!  A girl told me that she heard some kid who I shall call Choch talking the previous day about how I was planning on asking her.  But here's the thing: I haven't talked to Choch since 8th grade, and between the time when I asked my friends for advice on asking her and actually asking her, I didn't return to that school at all.  Word had clearly gotten out that I was planning on asking her, and the only explanation is that she had figured it out beforehand (which wouldn't have been that hard, since I tried to ask her and gotten blown off multiple times before finally figuring out the "master plan").  This also meant that whoever asked her did just before I did, and probably did so knowing that they were screwing me over.  Which I suppose is the work of my bad karma from trying to screw over the guy her friend knew about.

So yeah, that's confusing.  If you weren't there for it, don't worry about it - the short story is that I got paranoid over who was taking her.  Why should I blog that in great detail?  Because later, I realized the pointlessness of worrying over such tripe, and carried my worry over into finding another prom date.  I hastily asked another girl, and was again rejected because it was shitty and because this other girl also had a date.  That's around the time that I realized that I didn't want to go to prom all that much anymore.

The Promenade has become such a heavily romanticized night of possibilities and success stories that my hopelessly romantic teenage brain latched onto it as the ultimate opportunity to finally accomplish my goal of "getting the girl."  But because I had spent so long both doting over girl A and fantasizing about how my night with her would go, nothing else would have met my expectations.  Sure, I could go on a date with a friend and just have a good time, but that makes me question whether spending so much goddamn money on one night is justifiable when I've got nothing at stake.  So ultimately, I decided that it was in my best interest to not go to prom.  Oh, and don't worry - I realize that I look like a tremendous loser by doing so.

Simultaneously, I realized that oh god I still have ridiculously strong feelings for Girl A.  What do I do now?  Well, hopefully I can try to scrounge up a few dates and (my expectations are way too high, once again) potentially even coax her into coming with me and a few other mutual friends to a concert in Chi-town at the end of April.  But, as I mentioned in the beginning, thinking about it has made me totally apathetic.  I really could go on for days, but I figure that anything other than what I've said here is subject to change at the whim of my emotional state.