I've spent the last week frantically attempting to keep my life centered upon the needle head that is high school. Life, as of late, has been mostly comprised of schoolwork, college applications, and music. Schoolwork, as it goes, is ridiculously greater than I would prefer or consider useful toward a high school level education. Music has been reduced to the occasional marching band rehearsal and a brief 20 minute session with me and a marimba each day between the end of my 3rd period and my inevitable transit to KAMSC. College applications, on the other hand, are something entirely new.
I've never actually had a sibling who has gone to college, seeing as how I am the oldest child in my nuclear family. Since the years in which both of my parents went to college, applying to a university has become things that they were once not: competitive, risky, difficult, and costly. I would go on on that subject, but I'm not exactly in a position to whine (since I do have to get into college). Long story short, I have very few resources available for knowing how exactly to apply to a college successfully, and it's stressing me out.
The school that is most worrying to me is the University of Michigan. While I would like to go there a bit more than most other schools, it is currently my priority to get my application sent there first. (behind my safety school of course) However, in addition to three fairly challenging essay/short answers, their online application is ridiculous. For example, my acceptance to any university is largely dependent on my list of extracurricular activities. Michigan only allows you to list these activities in a section that contains very vague categorizations of activities in which you participated. I participated in two ensembles that would qualify as "marching bands" for example, but one is over three years and takes up maybe nine hours a week for ten weeks; the other is only seven weeks long but is a twenty-four hour activity. How do I state this? College applications are truly horrible.
I feel that in addition to my stress over college applications (which includes the problems involved with getting one school to send transcripts to the other, and the other to package these transcripts with their own along with counselor recommendations), stress related to schoolwork (which is always prevalent in my life) could ultimately spell the end of one age of my life as soon as the month of December.
I metaphorically referred to high school as the head of a needle on which my life is precariously balanced. The reason that I feel this way is that outside factors (such as teachers, programs, etc.) influence my life by continually pouring more responsibility and more burden into it. As the weight bearing down on me increases, it becomes increasingly hard to maintain a strong pivot atop the needle and I become more likely to fall (in terms of grades especially; also socially, musically). However, if I can successfully maintain a decent balance of all the responsibility that is being added, eventually the burden becomes too great and high school will quite literally rip me apart.
This is not too far distant from the theory of the Big Crunch, which is a theory about how the universe will end. Let's assume that I am the universe. (I just realized that Universe sounds a lot like University... hopefully that's just a coincidence.) Instead of growing at the accelerated rate that every student intends to do in order to be successful, more and more stars and heavenly bodies crop up, which increases the gravitational force pulling the edges of the universe inward, back toward is origin. Eventually, with the addition of enough matter into the interior of the universe to increase the gravitational stress created on the edges, the universe will begin to accelerate inward until all the matter in the universe collapses inward on itself, leaving behind a singularity of infinite density containing all of the matter in what was once known as the universe. At that point, the universe we once knew is completely gone; any new universes created in a subsequent big bang would almost certainly have different physical properties than our own that inhibit any potential for life to exist. This can also be interpreted as "I have no hope of getting into the same Universities that I was once capable of getting into before my life imploded in on itself because of stress, leaving me to meander about the remaining year of high school aimlessly without any real purpose to it." The same idea applies to so many situations in life that the evidence of unmanageable stress causing emotional collapse is undeniable. I am truly scared of what is to become of me over the next year before college.
September 18, 2009
September 12, 2009
Because I'm Still In High School...
...I feel obliged to announce my opinion on my schedule since I just finished my first week of class.
French is going to be the exact same shit that it has been for 5 years: pretend to read/write/speak/understand a language I don't know or care about. I was coerced into taking it another year because apparently this last year will permit me to pass an entrance examination to some schools that would otherwise force me to take such language classes in college.
English... don't even get me started on English. Our school is an International Baccalaureate school, meaning that the kids here are slaves to homework and don't understand what it is like to actually learn in school or acquire knowledge in a manner that is deemed appropriate by colleges... or employers. My feelings of malevolence toward the IB program were enhanced by my IB English Oral presentation last year, which may be why I was so reluctant to sign up for another year of this bullshit. My presentation was scheduled for the Wednesday after a Legends weekend camp, and I hadn't had any time to write it or prepare any homework. So I stayed awake for more than 72 hours in order to complete both my homework and write/memorize my presentation. Needless to say, by the time it was time for me to present, I was a complete zombie and failed. I became the first person in Portage Central history to put forth an honest effort on this project and fail. Perhaps the worst part is that I honestly can't remember those three days. I have no recollection other than the actual moment of truth. I was so frustrated that I resigned myself never to complete another assignment for that class. Unfortunately, I had just missed the dual enrollment deadline for English classes at some local colleges, and it would be transcript suicide to drop down from IB English to regular English during my senior year. So, here I am in another year of IB English. We'll see how things play out.
Determined to drop at least one IB class, I discontinued my career in IB History in exchange for AP Psychology, which should hopefully be more interesting. Then I have a nice long lunch period (occasionally 2.5 hours) before classes start downtown at KAMSC. Then I have Organic Chemistry, which is supposedly a horrible class. Scary shit. After that, AP Statistics, which is supposedly taught by a horrible teacher and is a horrible subject. I wrap up my day with Geology, which is both interesting (to me) and taught by the one of the best teachers (if not the best) I've ever had. Finish strong!
Although my schedule was originally intended to be low-stress in order to actually be happy my senior year, it has turned out to be a moderate disaster regarding workload. This pressure is increased by the fact that my top-choice college, University of Michigan, will probably not accept me due to my recalculated GPA of 3.5. Oddly, I've been told that I'm more likely to get into the more selective College of Engineering because of my 35 ACT math score. I hope that I do get in there, but I'm not determined to go there... but I'd still be disappointed. U of M always accepts most KAMSC students, and I don't really want to be a member of the few that don't.
The stress that seems to have consistently followed me through high school (despite my best efforts at avoiding it) I've only recently realized are due entirely to the sheer quantity of homework that the average student has to put up with on a daily basis. Ironically, it's almost a better method of teaching to not assign homework. In my previous physics course, there was never any homework other than the occasional lab report, but I've retained more from that class than any other I've had in high school because of the pressure that is put on the students to actually study the material and the fact that the teacher actually teaches the class instead of relying on some textbook or some homework problems to do the work for them. In addition to being a much more low-stress option for the student, it makes the students so much smarter, since being fed homework assignments to do is nothing compared to the real-world value of leaving students to fend/study for themselves. If someone shirks the responsibility of studying for an exam, he/she deserves to fail, and I'm sick of our public schools kissing the asses of their student body. School shouldn't be about getting every kid to pass; it's about giving them the tools necessary to pass. I'm sure this is a topic that has been beaten to death by educational committees around the globe, but I can't help but whine about it until somebody with the power to change things is willing to address the issue.
French is going to be the exact same shit that it has been for 5 years: pretend to read/write/speak/understand a language I don't know or care about. I was coerced into taking it another year because apparently this last year will permit me to pass an entrance examination to some schools that would otherwise force me to take such language classes in college.
English... don't even get me started on English. Our school is an International Baccalaureate school, meaning that the kids here are slaves to homework and don't understand what it is like to actually learn in school or acquire knowledge in a manner that is deemed appropriate by colleges... or employers. My feelings of malevolence toward the IB program were enhanced by my IB English Oral presentation last year, which may be why I was so reluctant to sign up for another year of this bullshit. My presentation was scheduled for the Wednesday after a Legends weekend camp, and I hadn't had any time to write it or prepare any homework. So I stayed awake for more than 72 hours in order to complete both my homework and write/memorize my presentation. Needless to say, by the time it was time for me to present, I was a complete zombie and failed. I became the first person in Portage Central history to put forth an honest effort on this project and fail. Perhaps the worst part is that I honestly can't remember those three days. I have no recollection other than the actual moment of truth. I was so frustrated that I resigned myself never to complete another assignment for that class. Unfortunately, I had just missed the dual enrollment deadline for English classes at some local colleges, and it would be transcript suicide to drop down from IB English to regular English during my senior year. So, here I am in another year of IB English. We'll see how things play out.
Determined to drop at least one IB class, I discontinued my career in IB History in exchange for AP Psychology, which should hopefully be more interesting. Then I have a nice long lunch period (occasionally 2.5 hours) before classes start downtown at KAMSC. Then I have Organic Chemistry, which is supposedly a horrible class. Scary shit. After that, AP Statistics, which is supposedly taught by a horrible teacher and is a horrible subject. I wrap up my day with Geology, which is both interesting (to me) and taught by the one of the best teachers (if not the best) I've ever had. Finish strong!
Although my schedule was originally intended to be low-stress in order to actually be happy my senior year, it has turned out to be a moderate disaster regarding workload. This pressure is increased by the fact that my top-choice college, University of Michigan, will probably not accept me due to my recalculated GPA of 3.5. Oddly, I've been told that I'm more likely to get into the more selective College of Engineering because of my 35 ACT math score. I hope that I do get in there, but I'm not determined to go there... but I'd still be disappointed. U of M always accepts most KAMSC students, and I don't really want to be a member of the few that don't.
The stress that seems to have consistently followed me through high school (despite my best efforts at avoiding it) I've only recently realized are due entirely to the sheer quantity of homework that the average student has to put up with on a daily basis. Ironically, it's almost a better method of teaching to not assign homework. In my previous physics course, there was never any homework other than the occasional lab report, but I've retained more from that class than any other I've had in high school because of the pressure that is put on the students to actually study the material and the fact that the teacher actually teaches the class instead of relying on some textbook or some homework problems to do the work for them. In addition to being a much more low-stress option for the student, it makes the students so much smarter, since being fed homework assignments to do is nothing compared to the real-world value of leaving students to fend/study for themselves. If someone shirks the responsibility of studying for an exam, he/she deserves to fail, and I'm sick of our public schools kissing the asses of their student body. School shouldn't be about getting every kid to pass; it's about giving them the tools necessary to pass. I'm sure this is a topic that has been beaten to death by educational committees around the globe, but I can't help but whine about it until somebody with the power to change things is willing to address the issue.
September 6, 2009
What the News Does to Poor People Like Me
It should be noted that on my lazy labor day weekend, instead of getting ahead on my college applications and essays, I plopped down on the sofa and watched two hours of CNN in the middle of the afternoon. On a perfectly sunny day. Oh why, oh why did I make this decision?
The day revolved chiefly around four major stories:
- Barack Obama wants to speak to children, and this is a problem to some.
- A wildfire in California goes nuts and destroys half the state. Arson investigation.
- Some guy in Georgia kills an entire family living in a mobile home. 8 people.
- Two cops in an unmarked car without uniforms shoot and kill a preacher because they think he's involved in a drug transaction. His last words were "Who shot me?"
To be honest, based on my knowledge of the workings of society (and don't read me incorrectly), the only one I have a serious problem with is the first of these stories. The others can all be explained by the fact that in any nation of 300 million people, there will be the psychopathic killers, the unfortunate accidents, and the criminals who got more than they bargained for. While I feel terrible about everything that has happened, I accept it as something that doesn't taint my image of the American society, or reflect negatively upon the intelligence and functionality of its citizens.
The fact that people don't want Barack Obama to speak at their public schools, on the other hand, does all of these things. I watched an argument in favor of canceling his visitations on CNN (the only good one, kudos to the guy-whose-name-I've-already-forgotten for raising it) that had to do with Obama's once-controversial lesson plan being distributed directly to the principals of the planned schools without contacting the state departments of education, the parents of the students, or even the superintendents of these schools. On the other hand, 99.99% of the other arguments are based on the belief that Obama is a socialist hell-bent on destroying America's market economy, and that they don't want him to brainwash their kids. The especially large controversy revolves around a line in this lesson plan that was changed almost immediately which asks, "How does the president inspire you?" (In reality, it was asked, "How did the president inspire you?" intended to be asked after his speech was already given.) Now, prepare for me to unleash my skills at angered reasoning.
I have a problem with a lot of things here. First of all, Obama is the freaking President, and anyone who won't even listen to the President is unpatriotic. Even though I am a self-proclaimed liberal by nature, I would listen to ol' W. speak even though I could disagree with nearly everything he said. Also, I don't give half a shit about the inspiration line; his speech is a speech intended to inspire kids to stay in school through all the shit that all inner-city school children have to face every day at home and in school. (AN 9/15: Surprise, I'm correct.)
To be honest though, I neither care about whether others are patriotic nor if people are concerned that Obama "inspires" their children. What I have a problem with is the constant rejection of Obama's persistent, obvious attempts at eliminating partisanship within both the federal government and on a personal level with those who actually listen to him. Instead, Americans become more close-minded and angry than I've ever seen in my 17 years.
On a federal level, the idea that bipartisanship accomplishes the most in all branches of government is prevalent to the point where it is practically carved in stone. In spite of this, the partisan divide (esp. in Congress) has grown so wide that it is essentially beyond repair. The well-needed stimulus package from early this year was passed through the faults of both major political parties in Congress. The Republican Party, hell-bent on shooting down any plan that involved spending money, refused to see reason and ignored the reality that America was going down the shitter. Instead of revising the bill more, or arguing more, the Democratic Party used their majority to pass the bill through both houses with almost no votes from the GOP, alienating the ailing party even more. In summary: Congress has devolved into one gigantic shouting match, with neither side actually listening to the other.
To a large extent, this idea is also reflected by the reaction of the public school systems and the involved parents who don't want their children to hear Barack Obama speak. While the speech itself has nothing to do with any political platform, or any message that a good parent wouldn't want their kids to hear, people deny their kids to hear the man based on their belief that he is a socialist or an extreme left-winger. I don't give a shit if you disagree with his views - that doesn't mean that you shouldn't listen to him - that is what is completely dismantling the country! Like I said, while I disagree with many conservative political figures, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't listen to them at all, regardless of the topic of conversation. The accusation that Obama would brainwash their children is even more ridiculous; humans, even children, are capable of disagreeing with what Barack Obama says. I'm more concerned about indoctrination from parents in this case than indoctrination from the President.
Anyway, sorry if I alienated anybody with my whiny gripes about politics. While I try to remain fairly objective in any political writings, my liberal bias definitely escaped into this blog. If anybody wants to talk about it, contact me and we can have a civil politically themed discussion sometime. Goodbye for now.
World War II Movies
I just finished watching Defiance, starring Daniel Craig.
I thought it was a very good film, and thought to myself that it was one of the better WWII movies that I've seen. But then I realized that there are almost no World War II movies that I don't like. I'm not exactly a violence junkie, but the only WWII movie that I honestly haven't liked is Hart's War, and that may just be because I watched it on FX when I was 12. Oh yeah, and maybe Pearl Harbor. Other than that, all the other WWII movies I've seen were excellent. Saving Private Ryan, Valkyrie, Inglorious Basterds, Atonement, The Pianist, Schindler's List, Memphis Belle, and Empire of the Sun are all the other WWII movies that I have seen according to Wikipedia's list. And they're all really good! My hypothesis is that poor WWII films aren't released because it was such a significant parable in American history that any shoddy attempts at a movie would be considered disrespectful to war veterans or holocaust survivors, or whoever may have had a role. The reason I don't think this is true is because there is an assload of shitty WWII video games.
I suppose I'm making this post out of boredom more than anything, since I don't have anything important to say that doesn't take a significant amount of time to write. I probably have something to say about this whole Barack-Obama-in-the-schools "controversy," so stick around.
I thought it was a very good film, and thought to myself that it was one of the better WWII movies that I've seen. But then I realized that there are almost no World War II movies that I don't like. I'm not exactly a violence junkie, but the only WWII movie that I honestly haven't liked is Hart's War, and that may just be because I watched it on FX when I was 12. Oh yeah, and maybe Pearl Harbor. Other than that, all the other WWII movies I've seen were excellent. Saving Private Ryan, Valkyrie, Inglorious Basterds, Atonement, The Pianist, Schindler's List, Memphis Belle, and Empire of the Sun are all the other WWII movies that I have seen according to Wikipedia's list. And they're all really good! My hypothesis is that poor WWII films aren't released because it was such a significant parable in American history that any shoddy attempts at a movie would be considered disrespectful to war veterans or holocaust survivors, or whoever may have had a role. The reason I don't think this is true is because there is an assload of shitty WWII video games.
I suppose I'm making this post out of boredom more than anything, since I don't have anything important to say that doesn't take a significant amount of time to write. I probably have something to say about this whole Barack-Obama-in-the-schools "controversy," so stick around.
September 2, 2009
Literature
I managed (barely) to finish reading The Bell Jar, by Sylvia Plath. The infamous novel about a girl who gets depressed and goes batshit for no reason. There are a lot of reasons for me to despise many of the literary "classics" that compose even the most generic of high school English curriculums, but this one seems to have revealed to me the chief reason why I despise them. A novel can't be engaging in any way, shape, or form if the main character is not someone the reader sympathizes with. (This only applies to character-driven literature, in contrast to Blindness, which is basically an analysis of fictional events) In the same fashion as Anna Karenina, Wuthering Heights, and the Scarlet Letter, the author constructs a character (in this case a really really poorly disguised representation of the author herself) that is so deeply flawed that instead of feeling like the character is dealing with a lot of shit and feeling bad for them, the reader wants to punch them in the face for being so fucking retarded. I guess that really limits the expanse of literature that I am capable of appreciating.
On the other hand, it might have to do with the fact that I have neither had an illegitimate child, had an affair, been suicidally depressed, or... been a freakish asshole? (fucking Wuthering Heights) It doesn't seem like you can appreciate a story like that unless you've been in the author's shoes or else in the masterfully crafted situation which I highly-doubt-the-author-hasn't-found-himself/herself.
Outside of this shit, I went to Chicago for the weekend, and did all kinds of fun shit. The city is always neat. Visited Northwestern University, which is expensive as hell but the place that I would want to be had I the money to go. I found the uber-hard-to-find remaster of Porcupine Tree's Lightbulb Sun. And bought some other entertainment items. Cool.
On the other hand, it might have to do with the fact that I have neither had an illegitimate child, had an affair, been suicidally depressed, or... been a freakish asshole? (fucking Wuthering Heights) It doesn't seem like you can appreciate a story like that unless you've been in the author's shoes or else in the masterfully crafted situation which I highly-doubt-the-author-hasn't-found-himself/herself.
Outside of this shit, I went to Chicago for the weekend, and did all kinds of fun shit. The city is always neat. Visited Northwestern University, which is expensive as hell but the place that I would want to be had I the money to go. I found the uber-hard-to-find remaster of Porcupine Tree's Lightbulb Sun. And bought some other entertainment items. Cool.
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