WIZARDS

Ralph Bakshi's "Wizards"

As you probably know, I am a large fan of movies that are so profoundly stupid and bad that they become enjoyable to watch.

This is sort of in the same vein as the "uncanny valley," a phenomenon in human psychology in which something that is somewhat close to resembling a human being creates strong feelings of disgust and revolt in most people. Basically you'll understand what I mean if you see movies like Beowulf, or the Polar Express. While they are much more realistic than, say, some of the stylized versions of humans seen in other similarly animated entertainment outlets (Final Fantasy Final Fantasy Final Fantasy), they are terrifyingly creepy, and this pattern holds true with me.

Conversely, when it comes to film viewing, there is a certain point in time when a movie is so ridiculous and unbelievable, something that doesn't even try to be good becomes absolutely hilarious and incredible.

This film, my friends, is called "Wizards," and it was made in 1977.

From its random, out-of-place, and poorly done rotoscoping, to its absurd dialogue, to its random battle cries, to its nonsensical plot, to the incredible twist ending, and especially to its occasional moments of completely inappropriate levels of violence, Ralph Bakshi has accomplished an incredible feat.

One of the most fascinating parts of the movie, upon wikipedia'ing it, is that this movie was actually critically acclaimed upon its release. Needless to say, it hasn't aged well. (Really, it hasn't. This is what makes it good.) The plot, while unimportant considering the amount of entertainment this movie provides at unexpected points, incorporates elements of World War II, The Cold War, and the War for Middle-Earth. Many, many years after the Earth is annihilated by nuclear warfare, mythical creatures return to inhabit the remaining, non-radioactive forests and mountains, while mutated creatures live in the contaminated areas. Two wizard brothers are born onto opposing ends of the good-evil spectrum, one being a stout old man living in a phallic-shaped house. The other is a Nazi who eats the meat of Jews and is intent on taking over the entire world by using a projector to display Hitler's old speeches in order to empower his own army and confuse the shit out of the other side while they get killed. So the good wizard sets out on a quest with a retarded robot, a very pubescent young elf-thing, and a half-naked fairy in order to put his bro's reign of terror to a halt.

If there is one reason you need to see this movie, it is because of the angry little elf guy. He screams so fucking much. And it's hilarious every time. One especially good scene features him putting his pimp hand into action while screaming "SLUT!" at our young naked fairy lady-thing.

Oh yeah, and the only reason I wanted to bring up the uncanny valley was because I read about it on Wikipedia while writing this and found it to be absolutely hilarious. So it is sort of relevant.

A word regarding PPS budget cuts

I disapprove of the lack of funding toward public schools in Michigan. This, however, is not the format to express that opinion in a constructive way. Michigan legislature can figure out that they fucked up soon enough.

The problem is that my home school district is now faced with the challenge of making cuts - cuts that extend far beyond the usual, "Oh, let's just let the retirees retire and then not worry about filling in their positions." There are several small actions that could be done to accommodate for the mandatory changes in the budget, but again, I'm not very interested in this. What I am interested in is, unsurprisingly, the preservation of a program that I am involved in. This program would be the Kalamazoo Area Mathematics and Science Center.

Something that I did not know prior to this whole budget crisis storm was that PPS pays significantly more toward KAMSC students than the typical student, and yet they don't receive any extra funding from the state to pay for us. I can see where this would be a problem for funding, and it could be used as an argument toward the cessation of the KAMSC program within PPS.

Then I remembered that KAMSC students are annually offered around $7,000,000 in scholarship money, and a conservative estimate of Portage's participation in the KAMSC program is probably around 1/5 of that. Six of Portage's Seven National Merit Semifinalists this year were KAMSC students, and 22 of the 25 AP Scholars this year were also KAMSC students. The reason for this is not because the Center is just a roundup of some of the smarter kids in the district - it is because we are members of a program that allows us to score that well on tests and get that much money in scholarships. If the reality were the former, there would theoretically actually be more strictly PPS kids receiving these awards and scholarships than KAMSC students. The very idea of ending such a powerhouse program to save money is one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. The goal of making mandatory budget cuts is to remain as progressive as possible while relying on minimal resources. The fact that some people in this world favor ending intellectualism in favor of maintaining an influx of new textbooks and having TVs and other fancy equipment in every room is, frankly, an example of why we need programs like this more than anything.

A post that, like its subject matter, will be finished later.

Basically, as of right now, I'm almost finished with my final college application, which took way too long to gather the stamina to finish. My theory as to why it took so long for me to find the motivation to get on top of things was that I knew I wasn't going to be accepted at the school to which I am now applying. I still don't think I am. But I don't think I'm going to let my laziness get in the way of opportunity.

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Done. Anyway, my inability to post frequently (shit, it is happening!) is a result of a combination of outside influences sucking up my time and the fact that things tend to get really shitty in the wintertime. School always seems to get infinitely harder after the initial 1st quarter being dedicated to "easing you in" to shittiness, even though I'd rather have things start hard so that I have some grasp on how much I have to deal with on a day-to-day basis for the remainder of that class. However, it has recently come to my attention that this may come about from some degree of seasonal depression. I was always under the impression that things got really bad in winter - and that I was prone to certain "low periods" that I thought were signs of depression, except I would always come out fine in the end. Anyway, the idea makes sense. In 2005, I was prone to crippling panic attacks and insomnia. 2006 was similar. In 2007, I sort of experienced the same with added self-esteem problems and a quickly deteriorating social life. 2008 was the worse, where I was extremely depressed for months on end, and managed to lose a good number of friends in the process. 2009 was the year when I managed to somewhat keep my emotions in check, but I still had to let my physical state deteriorate - I would go days on end without sleeping just so that I could do work and I didn't go out for essentially four months.

Now, I find myself in a predicament where my mind has managed to lose its confidence in my life's course - immediately after the summer in which I told myself I had things more "figured out" than ever before. This is scary to me, because it actually seems realistic. It doesn't make sense that things should just naturally become more difficult in winter, and the fact that I have been struggling so much because I'm biologically predisposed to do so makes me feel completely helpless.