I feel like such a tool right now about posting this. Remember the time before the advent of the digital camera where you couldn't reminisce over a moment immediately after the moment had passed? Well, I'm reminiscing before the camera is even into "review" mode right now. I feel like a tool because I hate people who do that, for the record.
Most of my judgment of how fantastic a year was is determined by the greatness of any previous years. The problem with this, however, is that typically my "years" end up slicing themselves into "good" and "bad" halves, with the bad half typically starting in the right-now region of the calendar and the good half beginning around may and lasting until November or December. Keep this in mind.
2009 was by far the most demanding year of my life. January through May was spent almost completely away from social interaction, because I was juggling immense loads of schoolwork and music. I've already told the story about my frustration with school that year, so I'll elaborate on the music aspect of these months. I had to balance both Legends ensembles that I was in, and since both required me to practice a shit-ton, I spent a great deal of time after school doing so. Winter Legends usually doesn't require that much practice, but for some reason that year we got music extremely late in the year that was quite difficult to play, so I became extremely frustrated with the whole scenario. Somehow I ended up getting duped into another partial season of KJSO, which ended up being a huge time-sucker as well. Summer Legends left me barely able stay afloat, so I had to practice a ton for that as well.
June through mid-August, of course, was spent entirely with Legends. I still don't know whether or not my experience was what it was supposed to be. I was told probably about 10,000 times over the course of the summer that it was the absolute best thing to do with your life, but I don't feel that that was true for me. While I really like playing music (obviously), there were very few moments that could actually be described as "fun", and most of the people involved didn't have personalities anything like my own. Don't get me wrong, I really like everyone involved - it's just that most people thought of themselves as total badasses for doing what they do while I didn't give half a shit about how cool we were, since... well, since I have never given half a shit about how cool I was. When by the end of the summer I still didn't really "gel" with everybody else by being self-righteous, I felt like self-improvement had failed. One example would be way back in March/February when I was on the verge of not doing drum corps. The amount of work I was putting into the activity made it feel like becoming a stronger player was not enough reason to stay involved. Then, one of my friends suggested other reasons to stay involved, including making new friends and maturing. Cockiness, frankly, is not and never has been my idea of maturity - this made it a bit hard to recognize any traces of self-improvement as I am still quite critical of myself. (Read the rest of this blog, for god's sake!)
By the way, don't misinterpret my complaints about this summer - it was chock-full of memorable moments and allowed me to improve quite a bit as a musician. It was far from regrettable, but it's just that I still feel like I'm missing some crucial aspect of the drum corps experience that makes people fall in love with it as much as they do. Since I am strongly considering another summer in Legends, I'll just stick with hoping that these doubts arise from me being a bitch and that next time will be way better.
When I got back home until about four weeks later was possibly the happiest time of my entire life. Seriously, I hung out with incredible people almost every day and never had a worry on my mind for more than three seconds (aside from some frustration with marching band, which is inevitable). But since I have no complaints from this period of time, I can't really elaborate on this. I just strive for my life to be like these few weeks - no stress, good company, enjoyable activities (these weeks included band camp, which is always a blast.)
After band camp though, I started getting sick of the section leader job... a lot. Despite my instructors' reassurance that I was doing quite well in my position, by the end of the season I just wanted to shoot myself - just as we had settled into a groove, everything started changing haphazardly in the show and didn't even stop in the very last rehearsal for that season. It doesn't really help that I am one of the most temperamental people on this earth, either - I left almost every rehearsal prepared to strangle something. So despite our last few moments together as an ensemble being quite fun and relaxed, I left the season with a bit of a bad taste in my mouth. When Winter Legends came around again, I frankly just didn't want to play anymore. The horrendous previous season and my tragically unfortunate hatred of leadership gave me a huge mental block of sorts, and I spent the past few auditions/rehearsals essentially sucking ass, because I was so afraid of being obligated to step in as section leader. Luckily for me, there is a girl involved who plays just as well as me if not better, so my guess is they just shooed her in once I somewhat reluctantly admitted that I'd rather suck donkey balls than be section leader again (although my confession was more along the lines of, "No, I'd rather not be section leader.")
In summary, I suppose this year was a bit disappointing musically despite the fact that the sheer amount of time I spent playing enabled me to play much better, which may or may not be more important than my gripes about the ensembles I was in. I'm not going to decide right now.
On the plus side, this year is much easier than last year academically. However, some of the events of last year left my social life a bit crippled - my life is like Gossip Girl sometimes, except nobody ever really gets mad at me because I, unlike seemingly everybody else in the world, don't try to piss anybody off. The main problem is that people get stupid and seek drama despite the fact that they claim to hate drama. It all affects me because I am almost incapable of having a centralized group of friends with the shitstorm between the friends I already have.
Another sorta-plus is that my love life is no longer stagnant. To an extent. I'm trying to set myself up for epic success in the 2010.
So relative to other years, this year was definitely better than 2008 (except for the summer - sorry, but drum corps ain't got nothin' on Philmont), in which spring was dominated by the worst period of depression I've ever suffered through, and the fall featured a lackluster marching band season and fears/regrets about my course selections for my junior year of high school that ended up being justified. It was only slightly worse than 2007, where my spring was both stressed and depressed, but not nearly to the extent that the latest springs were, where my summer was quite laid back, and where I got my first taste of the life-changing marching band experience in the fall. I'm most excited about the fact that this is the first year since I was probably 10 years old where things haven't been progressively worse than the previous years - which leaves me optimistic about 2010.
I am generally a huge pessimist, but for whatever reason, I think 2010 will be my year. I'm a senior in high school, and I'm definitely going to college... somewhere. Any college experience will be a miraculous improvement over high school for me, so I will probably spend the entirety of my fall elated. This spring will allow me to slack off some in high school - I've already been accepted to many colleges, so I'm not worried about my current classwork so much anymore. Right now, I've got no plans for the summer (I do have a full-time job potentially lined up that pays insanely well for someone my age), and I think it'll otherwise be quite stress-free. As I mentioned before, I think I might find some success with romance this year too. Although I'm not getting my hopes up. That's just foolish.
December 31, 2009
December 28, 2009
Christmas
This Christmas was not notable as far as celebrating goes - but there were many incredible memories that were made. They should be saved. So here goes.
Christmas Eve was the designated day of gift-giving amongst the members of my mother's side of the family - I received probably the best gift of the season that day from my grandmother: a Sony alarm clock. The reasons why this gift is great include but are not limited to:
Afterward we annihilated a cube of mountain dew and stayed up quite late into the morning. That was that. There really isn't much to talk about that isn't me whining about my life, and I feel the need to post here, so please forgive the stupidity of this post.
Christmas Eve was the designated day of gift-giving amongst the members of my mother's side of the family - I received probably the best gift of the season that day from my grandmother: a Sony alarm clock. The reasons why this gift is great include but are not limited to:
- It has an iPod dock that charges your iPod and plays music from it
- You can set your alarm easily!
- It is synced to the atomic clock
- You can wake up to music from your iPod
- The speaker quality is incredible.
- You can control the music it plays using a remote control. And not just like next/previous
Afterward we annihilated a cube of mountain dew and stayed up quite late into the morning. That was that. There really isn't much to talk about that isn't me whining about my life, and I feel the need to post here, so please forgive the stupidity of this post.
December 20, 2009
The Friend Zone
If you read this and think it's about you, you're probably right. Sorry, ladies.
When it comes to entering womenfolk's friend zones, I am incredibly talented. Why? I am charming, handsome, and smart enough to be reliable and desirable company for all the fantastic ladies on this green earth. Conversely, I am awkward, cute, and cynical enough to keep myself without any room for a relationship to flourish. Any guy who hasn't been living under a rock for the entirety of their lives understands that this situation is extremely hard to extract oneself from - luckily, I've never been in a situation where I've needed to. I am not the type who is constantly in need of some sort of romantic gratification, nor do I find women to be entirely terrible to keep in company (if you know me, which chances are you do if you are reading this, you'll know that 99% of my friends are women and that I am essentially of a feminist ideology, despite the fact that I have a penis and am not a homosexual).
The problem now, however, is that I have voluntarily entered a romantic situation that his quickly spiraled out of my control (see my last post), and can't determine for myself whether it is beneficial to become a permanent fixture in the friend zone, or to opt out of any sort of relation with the girl in question altogether. To explain my "crisis" more thoroughly, however, I'll need to give a little bit of back story with my pathetically inactive love life thus far.
Basically, I define myself by the fact that I am in love with the concept of love - something that I am actually somewhat ashamed of. I'm pretty sure it came about as a result of seeing too many Disney films as a child - how many teenagers do you think Walt Disney has fucked up? Anyway, when I meet a girl who I'm attracted to, I'm extremely hesitant to look any further into a relationship with this person. The reason? Experience has told me that I need to be cautious. When I determine that a relationship may be likely with a given person, I devote myself fully toward the goal of wooing them - and since I am not by any means a seductive individual, I tend to have the effect of turning them off and coming off as a total creeper. This seems completely foolish and stupid, and I often ask myself why I am so willing to throw myself at one goal where the probability of success really has nothing to do with how hard I work for it. But again experience has taught me that my relentless pursuit of the objects of affection is one of the few completely unchangeable facets of my personality - in the same vein as my seemingly permanent low self-esteem and my constant desire for the approval of others.
My freshman year of high school was when I was mostly provided this experience. After a few months affirming my status as the creepy nerd in the class, I somehow ended up completely infatuated with - you guessed it - the girl who sat fucking right in front of me. The most stereotypical attraction in the world, and I fell victim to it. My mind still has trouble processing the stupidity of my 14-year-old self, for an obvious reason: I reluctantly admit that I still have feelings with this girl. My constant one-sided flirtation with this girl led her to hate my guts - something I am still paying for to this day. I'll obviously never be able to satiate this desire - I would never let a person who ever acted that idiotically toward me back into consideration for a romantic relationship. The point is that I got stupid.
Thus, I've been extremely hesitant about who I take interest in. It took an extremely long time for me even to be able to find myself genuinely attracted to other women, and I was so scared of having yet another unrequited love that, aside from one girlfriend, I've never felt the same sort of strong romantic attachments again - even in situations where they should have formed. That is, until now.
Recently, a young woman walked into my life at one of the most unexpected of social events, and after a long period of time without contact, I've reconnected with her. The important thing is that about a month ago I decided that I may have actually started to become legitimately interested in her - not just in the I'm-a-horny-teenager way. The pieces suddenly fit together in my head: I've got nothing to lose by pursuing a relationship with her; plus she's absolutely gorgeous, incredibly intelligent, and super classy. Maybe I could even use my budding attraction with her to distract me from my obsession over the previous girl. The next day, as I my self-confidence grew immensely with this newly-found hope and excitement, she got a boyfriend.
Shit.
So here I am now, back at square one, and I am left with a decision to make. On one hand, I've got the option of essentially scrapping all the progress I've made with her, and not having to worry about my feelings with her, which would eventually fade with time. On the other, I've got the option of entrapping myself within the friend zone, and getting closer to her in a way that will probably not end well for me.
Option #1 would result in an overwhelming sense of guilt, since I do actually care about her feelings, and I'm sure she values my current relationship with her, no matter how weird it is for me - ending it would hurt her feelings. Also, I might not be able to end my feelings toward her so quickly, since she is an incredible lass. Knowing me, I would also probably experience regret toward choosing not to advance our relationship any further, since few other women in this world are as magnificent as her.
Option #2 would allow me to grow closer to her, but the friend zone is an option about which I've become very cautious in high school. I predict that becoming closer to her will not happen without my sexual attraction to her fading, or even remaining as strong as it currently is. Even after she might break up with her boyfriend, she'll be unable to requite my affections, seeing as how at that point I'd be more of a friend than a suitor.
So which is the lesser of two evils? Torturing myself for the sole sake of being around a woman I care about? Or is it better to break off some of the bonds I've formed, which may potentially harm the girl and make me feel, for lack of better words, like a total douche? Fuck you, friend zone.
@@@@@
Update! I got overexcited by the dim prospects of a potential relationship with a girl who doesn't know or like me all that much and have pretty much reverted back to my usual pathetic obsession with girl A. So I guess whether or not I'm actually friend-zoned doesn't really matter that much. It's healthy to be distracted from your own helplessness for a month every three years or so, anyway.
December 19, 2009
The Joy Of Being Helpless
Tonight, my friend told me a story. Thursday night, he claimed to have gone to bed and been unable to sleep as a result of some unnamed guilt hanging over his head. When he finally fell asleep, at some point that night, he woke up completely paralyzed. He couldn't even open his eyes to determine what was happening around him (which was absolutely nothing).
This phenomenon is known as sleep paralysis, which I haven't experienced. I don't really care about what happened to him though. He kept bringing up two things that at first seem to contradict each other:
I normally wouldn't be the sort of douchebag philosopher to read into why someone would react that way to any given situation in which he/she has no control without some sort of prompting. However, I realized that I've actually been many of these situations, and I actually have reacted in the same way as my friend.
One situation would be my recent climactic struggle with IB English. Last year marked one of the first truly meaningful, epic failures of my lifetime, when I completely bombed the Oral Examination, as I've posted about before in "Because I'm Still In High School..." I've had meaningful failures on a small scale, and I've had epic failures with situations that are fairly trivial in hindsight, but this is, to date, the only failure that has negatively impacted my life on a tremendous scale. Just a few weeks ago, I went through the second ring of IB English HL's circus, which completely overshadows any other examination besides the test at the end of the year - the Commentary. Compared to the first Oral Exam, this one is a nightmare. Or at least it should be. Roughly four times as important on the grade-weighting scale as the first, it involves a 20-minute period for writing a 12-minute analysis of an unknown passage or poem from works we've studied. Naturally, everyone involved in the studying process was terrified of failure and studied their asses off for a good grade.
I never did. While the examination process itself was uncomfortable, it was no more so than anticipated when I learned about the assignment at the beginning of this school year in September. Why the night before was about as close to serenity as possible in my life escapes me. I don't know whether it was because I had simply become apathetic to the futile idea of passing, I was too preoccupied by other things to put forth effort, or whether I just lost interest in trying to be competitive in a class full of people who are actually generally less intelligent than myself (yes, I realized that is a totally cocky statement, but true).
I did manage to come to the conclusion, after finishing my exam with a dreadful grade and a wide grin, that it was much better to not worry about the benefits of success and the consequences of failure. But I don't think this is a good stance to take, in general. I can't just forfeit in all situations that require me to put forth lots of effort!
All this is beside the point. What really interests me is the very facet of human nature where hopelessness becomes a form of escapism - and is universal. Some people could describe it as "going with the flow," but I associate that with simply choosing not to exercise the pimp-hand and letting someone else take charge. There are probably a billion other people who've noticed this before me, but I felt the need to post it as a moment of self-discovery.
This phenomenon is known as sleep paralysis, which I haven't experienced. I don't really care about what happened to him though. He kept bringing up two things that at first seem to contradict each other:
- He felt completely powerless - like anything could happen and he wouldn't be able to do a thing to fix it.
- He was completely relaxed and thinking coherent, intelligent thoughts.
I normally wouldn't be the sort of douchebag philosopher to read into why someone would react that way to any given situation in which he/she has no control without some sort of prompting. However, I realized that I've actually been many of these situations, and I actually have reacted in the same way as my friend.
One situation would be my recent climactic struggle with IB English. Last year marked one of the first truly meaningful, epic failures of my lifetime, when I completely bombed the Oral Examination, as I've posted about before in "Because I'm Still In High School..." I've had meaningful failures on a small scale, and I've had epic failures with situations that are fairly trivial in hindsight, but this is, to date, the only failure that has negatively impacted my life on a tremendous scale. Just a few weeks ago, I went through the second ring of IB English HL's circus, which completely overshadows any other examination besides the test at the end of the year - the Commentary. Compared to the first Oral Exam, this one is a nightmare. Or at least it should be. Roughly four times as important on the grade-weighting scale as the first, it involves a 20-minute period for writing a 12-minute analysis of an unknown passage or poem from works we've studied. Naturally, everyone involved in the studying process was terrified of failure and studied their asses off for a good grade.
I never did. While the examination process itself was uncomfortable, it was no more so than anticipated when I learned about the assignment at the beginning of this school year in September. Why the night before was about as close to serenity as possible in my life escapes me. I don't know whether it was because I had simply become apathetic to the futile idea of passing, I was too preoccupied by other things to put forth effort, or whether I just lost interest in trying to be competitive in a class full of people who are actually generally less intelligent than myself (yes, I realized that is a totally cocky statement, but true).
I did manage to come to the conclusion, after finishing my exam with a dreadful grade and a wide grin, that it was much better to not worry about the benefits of success and the consequences of failure. But I don't think this is a good stance to take, in general. I can't just forfeit in all situations that require me to put forth lots of effort!
All this is beside the point. What really interests me is the very facet of human nature where hopelessness becomes a form of escapism - and is universal. Some people could describe it as "going with the flow," but I associate that with simply choosing not to exercise the pimp-hand and letting someone else take charge. There are probably a billion other people who've noticed this before me, but I felt the need to post it as a moment of self-discovery.
Inevitable Post
If you've managed to take anything away from any previous posts I may have made, it is that I am a tremendous nerd. With each day I grow closer to becoming that stereotypical nerd - shunning any sense of uniqueness for the sake of entertaining myself. I have no problem with this, so tell your brain to shut up before you post about how "CONFORMITY ISN'T COOL!" because I'm short, dweeby, weak, into sci-fi, video games, good at math and science, and study way too much.
That being said, my reasons for making the late-night trek to see the midnight premiere of James Cameron's new movie, "Avatar", are understandable. It's my impression that many people were actually turned off by the trailer and shortened premise of the movie before it came out - it appeared to be a fairly standard sci-fi action flick, but the fact that it mostly starred giant blue people over humans seemed to be a bit off-putting. For nerds like me, though, who are familiar with Cameron's work (that doesn't include Titanic), the background is a total turn-on. When I went to see it, I hadn't done as much research on it as one would expect - at that point in time, I didn't know that Avatar was the most expensive movie ever made at that point, or that the technology behind the movie was as unique as it was.
So when I first laid eyes upon the Earth-like jungle-covered moon of Pandora, I was absolutely blown away. I really can't describe this movie visually in words. Perhaps the most accurate description would be that while most of the movie is entirely computer generated, it is all completely real. The blue-skinned Na'vi which inhabit the land are so detailed that you can easily tell them apart with the same level of ease with which you could distinguish any number of film actors. Every single organism on the planet is so detailed that you frequently have to remind yourself that the movie is indeed animated, and is not actually filmed footage of the strange creatures on some actual distant planet. It is completely unlike anything I've ever seen - and that's what makes the film worth viewing more than anything.
That being said, there have been frequent complaints about the simplicity and unoriginality of the script. I'm not going to deny that both are quite dull, but the visuals make up for this flaw. By far. And they aren't really that bad - just not quite as believable or inspired as the environment where the film takes place. Nobody goes to this movie to see a romance between giant blue warriors blossom, anyway.
In short, if you don't see this movie, I will fucking find you and kill you.
That being said, my reasons for making the late-night trek to see the midnight premiere of James Cameron's new movie, "Avatar", are understandable. It's my impression that many people were actually turned off by the trailer and shortened premise of the movie before it came out - it appeared to be a fairly standard sci-fi action flick, but the fact that it mostly starred giant blue people over humans seemed to be a bit off-putting. For nerds like me, though, who are familiar with Cameron's work (that doesn't include Titanic), the background is a total turn-on. When I went to see it, I hadn't done as much research on it as one would expect - at that point in time, I didn't know that Avatar was the most expensive movie ever made at that point, or that the technology behind the movie was as unique as it was.So when I first laid eyes upon the Earth-like jungle-covered moon of Pandora, I was absolutely blown away. I really can't describe this movie visually in words. Perhaps the most accurate description would be that while most of the movie is entirely computer generated, it is all completely real. The blue-skinned Na'vi which inhabit the land are so detailed that you can easily tell them apart with the same level of ease with which you could distinguish any number of film actors. Every single organism on the planet is so detailed that you frequently have to remind yourself that the movie is indeed animated, and is not actually filmed footage of the strange creatures on some actual distant planet. It is completely unlike anything I've ever seen - and that's what makes the film worth viewing more than anything.
That being said, there have been frequent complaints about the simplicity and unoriginality of the script. I'm not going to deny that both are quite dull, but the visuals make up for this flaw. By far. And they aren't really that bad - just not quite as believable or inspired as the environment where the film takes place. Nobody goes to this movie to see a romance between giant blue warriors blossom, anyway.
In short, if you don't see this movie, I will fucking find you and kill you.
November 28, 2009
WIZARDS
Ralph Bakshi's "Wizards"
As you probably know, I am a large fan of movies that are so profoundly stupid and bad that they become enjoyable to watch.
This is sort of in the same vein as the "uncanny valley," a phenomenon in human psychology in which something that is somewhat close to resembling a human being creates strong feelings of disgust and revolt in most people. Basically you'll understand what I mean if you see movies like Beowulf, or the Polar Express. While they are much more realistic than, say, some of the stylized versions of humans seen in other similarly animated entertainment outlets (Final Fantasy Final Fantasy Final Fantasy), they are terrifyingly creepy, and this pattern holds true with me.
Conversely, when it comes to film viewing, there is a certain point in time when a movie is so ridiculous and unbelievable, something that doesn't even try to be good becomes absolutely hilarious and incredible.
This film, my friends, is called "Wizards," and it was made in 1977.
From its random, out-of-place, and poorly done rotoscoping, to its absurd dialogue, to its random battle cries, to its nonsensical plot, to the incredible twist ending, and especially to its occasional moments of completely inappropriate levels of violence, Ralph Bakshi has accomplished an incredible feat.
One of the most fascinating parts of the movie, upon wikipedia'ing it, is that this movie was actually critically acclaimed upon its release. Needless to say, it hasn't aged well. (Really, it hasn't. This is what makes it good.) The plot, while unimportant considering the amount of entertainment this movie provides at unexpected points, incorporates elements of World War II, The Cold War, and the War for Middle-Earth. Many, many years after the Earth is annihilated by nuclear warfare, mythical creatures return to inhabit the remaining, non-radioactive forests and mountains, while mutated creatures live in the contaminated areas. Two wizard brothers are born onto opposing ends of the good-evil spectrum, one being a stout old man living in a phallic-shaped house. The other is a Nazi who eats the meat of Jews and is intent on taking over the entire world by using a projector to display Hitler's old speeches in order to empower his own army and confuse the shit out of the other side while they get killed. So the good wizard sets out on a quest with a retarded robot, a very pubescent young elf-thing, and a half-naked fairy in order to put his bro's reign of terror to a halt.
If there is one reason you need to see this movie, it is because of the angry little elf guy. He screams so fucking much. And it's hilarious every time. One especially good scene features him putting his pimp hand into action while screaming "SLUT!" at our young naked fairy lady-thing.
Oh yeah, and the only reason I wanted to bring up the uncanny valley was because I read about it on Wikipedia while writing this and found it to be absolutely hilarious. So it is sort of relevant.
As you probably know, I am a large fan of movies that are so profoundly stupid and bad that they become enjoyable to watch.
This is sort of in the same vein as the "uncanny valley," a phenomenon in human psychology in which something that is somewhat close to resembling a human being creates strong feelings of disgust and revolt in most people. Basically you'll understand what I mean if you see movies like Beowulf, or the Polar Express. While they are much more realistic than, say, some of the stylized versions of humans seen in other similarly animated entertainment outlets (Final Fantasy Final Fantasy Final Fantasy), they are terrifyingly creepy, and this pattern holds true with me.
Conversely, when it comes to film viewing, there is a certain point in time when a movie is so ridiculous and unbelievable, something that doesn't even try to be good becomes absolutely hilarious and incredible.
This film, my friends, is called "Wizards," and it was made in 1977.
From its random, out-of-place, and poorly done rotoscoping, to its absurd dialogue, to its random battle cries, to its nonsensical plot, to the incredible twist ending, and especially to its occasional moments of completely inappropriate levels of violence, Ralph Bakshi has accomplished an incredible feat.
One of the most fascinating parts of the movie, upon wikipedia'ing it, is that this movie was actually critically acclaimed upon its release. Needless to say, it hasn't aged well. (Really, it hasn't. This is what makes it good.) The plot, while unimportant considering the amount of entertainment this movie provides at unexpected points, incorporates elements of World War II, The Cold War, and the War for Middle-Earth. Many, many years after the Earth is annihilated by nuclear warfare, mythical creatures return to inhabit the remaining, non-radioactive forests and mountains, while mutated creatures live in the contaminated areas. Two wizard brothers are born onto opposing ends of the good-evil spectrum, one being a stout old man living in a phallic-shaped house. The other is a Nazi who eats the meat of Jews and is intent on taking over the entire world by using a projector to display Hitler's old speeches in order to empower his own army and confuse the shit out of the other side while they get killed. So the good wizard sets out on a quest with a retarded robot, a very pubescent young elf-thing, and a half-naked fairy in order to put his bro's reign of terror to a halt.
If there is one reason you need to see this movie, it is because of the angry little elf guy. He screams so fucking much. And it's hilarious every time. One especially good scene features him putting his pimp hand into action while screaming "SLUT!" at our young naked fairy lady-thing.
Oh yeah, and the only reason I wanted to bring up the uncanny valley was because I read about it on Wikipedia while writing this and found it to be absolutely hilarious. So it is sort of relevant.
A word regarding PPS budget cuts
I disapprove of the lack of funding toward public schools in Michigan. This, however, is not the format to express that opinion in a constructive way. Michigan legislature can figure out that they fucked up soon enough.
The problem is that my home school district is now faced with the challenge of making cuts - cuts that extend far beyond the usual, "Oh, let's just let the retirees retire and then not worry about filling in their positions." There are several small actions that could be done to accommodate for the mandatory changes in the budget, but again, I'm not very interested in this. What I am interested in is, unsurprisingly, the preservation of a program that I am involved in. This program would be the Kalamazoo Area Mathematics and Science Center.
Something that I did not know prior to this whole budget crisis storm was that PPS pays significantly more toward KAMSC students than the typical student, and yet they don't receive any extra funding from the state to pay for us. I can see where this would be a problem for funding, and it could be used as an argument toward the cessation of the KAMSC program within PPS.
Then I remembered that KAMSC students are annually offered around $7,000,000 in scholarship money, and a conservative estimate of Portage's participation in the KAMSC program is probably around 1/5 of that. Six of Portage's Seven National Merit Semifinalists this year were KAMSC students, and 22 of the 25 AP Scholars this year were also KAMSC students. The reason for this is not because the Center is just a roundup of some of the smarter kids in the district - it is because we are members of a program that allows us to score that well on tests and get that much money in scholarships. If the reality were the former, there would theoretically actually be more strictly PPS kids receiving these awards and scholarships than KAMSC students. The very idea of ending such a powerhouse program to save money is one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. The goal of making mandatory budget cuts is to remain as progressive as possible while relying on minimal resources. The fact that some people in this world favor ending intellectualism in favor of maintaining an influx of new textbooks and having TVs and other fancy equipment in every room is, frankly, an example of why we need programs like this more than anything.
The problem is that my home school district is now faced with the challenge of making cuts - cuts that extend far beyond the usual, "Oh, let's just let the retirees retire and then not worry about filling in their positions." There are several small actions that could be done to accommodate for the mandatory changes in the budget, but again, I'm not very interested in this. What I am interested in is, unsurprisingly, the preservation of a program that I am involved in. This program would be the Kalamazoo Area Mathematics and Science Center.
Something that I did not know prior to this whole budget crisis storm was that PPS pays significantly more toward KAMSC students than the typical student, and yet they don't receive any extra funding from the state to pay for us. I can see where this would be a problem for funding, and it could be used as an argument toward the cessation of the KAMSC program within PPS.
Then I remembered that KAMSC students are annually offered around $7,000,000 in scholarship money, and a conservative estimate of Portage's participation in the KAMSC program is probably around 1/5 of that. Six of Portage's Seven National Merit Semifinalists this year were KAMSC students, and 22 of the 25 AP Scholars this year were also KAMSC students. The reason for this is not because the Center is just a roundup of some of the smarter kids in the district - it is because we are members of a program that allows us to score that well on tests and get that much money in scholarships. If the reality were the former, there would theoretically actually be more strictly PPS kids receiving these awards and scholarships than KAMSC students. The very idea of ending such a powerhouse program to save money is one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. The goal of making mandatory budget cuts is to remain as progressive as possible while relying on minimal resources. The fact that some people in this world favor ending intellectualism in favor of maintaining an influx of new textbooks and having TVs and other fancy equipment in every room is, frankly, an example of why we need programs like this more than anything.
November 21, 2009
A post that, like its subject matter, will be finished later.
Basically, as of right now, I'm almost finished with my final college application, which took way too long to gather the stamina to finish. My theory as to why it took so long for me to find the motivation to get on top of things was that I knew I wasn't going to be accepted at the school to which I am now applying. I still don't think I am. But I don't think I'm going to let my laziness get in the way of opportunity.
@@@@@
Done. Anyway, my inability to post frequently (shit, it is happening!) is a result of a combination of outside influences sucking up my time and the fact that things tend to get really shitty in the wintertime. School always seems to get infinitely harder after the initial 1st quarter being dedicated to "easing you in" to shittiness, even though I'd rather have things start hard so that I have some grasp on how much I have to deal with on a day-to-day basis for the remainder of that class. However, it has recently come to my attention that this may come about from some degree of seasonal depression. I was always under the impression that things got really bad in winter - and that I was prone to certain "low periods" that I thought were signs of depression, except I would always come out fine in the end. Anyway, the idea makes sense. In 2005, I was prone to crippling panic attacks and insomnia. 2006 was similar. In 2007, I sort of experienced the same with added self-esteem problems and a quickly deteriorating social life. 2008 was the worse, where I was extremely depressed for months on end, and managed to lose a good number of friends in the process. 2009 was the year when I managed to somewhat keep my emotions in check, but I still had to let my physical state deteriorate - I would go days on end without sleeping just so that I could do work and I didn't go out for essentially four months.
Now, I find myself in a predicament where my mind has managed to lose its confidence in my life's course - immediately after the summer in which I told myself I had things more "figured out" than ever before. This is scary to me, because it actually seems realistic. It doesn't make sense that things should just naturally become more difficult in winter, and the fact that I have been struggling so much because I'm biologically predisposed to do so makes me feel completely helpless.
Now, I find myself in a predicament where my mind has managed to lose its confidence in my life's course - immediately after the summer in which I told myself I had things more "figured out" than ever before. This is scary to me, because it actually seems realistic. It doesn't make sense that things should just naturally become more difficult in winter, and the fact that I have been struggling so much because I'm biologically predisposed to do so makes me feel completely helpless.
October 31, 2009
Halloween
Usually my foray into blog-posting winds up being a somewhat emotional experience - whether it be solely pertaining to my emotions regarding my circumstances in life, my reaction to books or movies (the two so far... more to come as I see more movies (not so much on the book side until after my FINAL application is complete later today)), or even a political opinion. Today, on the other hand, I've simply come to inform you that I've topped the list of the shittiest Halloween costume ever created. It is a hazmat suit. In which I will run around with a pair of scissors in each hand screaming at children. Scary? Yes. But what the fuck?!
This is the latest addition to a trend of mine that has progressed since I was in elementary school: every year, my costume just gets shittier and shittier. Last year, I dressed as a douchebag. That was my costume. See: picture. Anyway, I really hope this trend quits in time for college, where I actually intend to have a social life. And get into college. We'll see.
P.S. The nametag says "Chad" and I drew fake abs onto myself.
This is the latest addition to a trend of mine that has progressed since I was in elementary school: every year, my costume just gets shittier and shittier. Last year, I dressed as a douchebag. That was my costume. See: picture. Anyway, I really hope this trend quits in time for college, where I actually intend to have a social life. And get into college. We'll see.
P.S. The nametag says "Chad" and I drew fake abs onto myself.
October 25, 2009
The Ride
Marching band has probably been the most influential activity I've participated in in my entire life. Without it, I wouldn't have most of the friends that I do now; I wouldn't be a good musician. I would have spent my summer at home, playing video games and watching TV. 2 years ago, at the beginning of my would-be first day of band camp, I was planning on maybe going to the movies or else staying at home in my pajamas. I wasn't at all planning on doing marching band, since it seemed like it wouldn't be worth the time or effort - I already had enough things on my mind. I got a call from my friend telling me to come to the school immediately, without telling me why or giving a reason - just that it was important. I showed up at the school at noon... to band camp? And stayed with it for the next three years. A year and a half after that day, I was a member of Legends Drum & Bugle Corps. Only a year and a half and I was devoting my entire summer to something to which I previously wouldn't devote a few hours after school each day. My closest friends are the people who I've shared these experiences with... which is what made Friday one of the most bittersweet moments of my life.
Everything is changing in life. I'm preparing to exit - to uproot myself from my current life and make one for myself. Chances are I won't know any of the same people within a year, and I'll be new to every experience. Friday night was my last performance as a member of my high school's marching band. I'll never play another note as a member of the ensemble that essentially raised me to become the person I am today... which is infinitely better than the person I was before. Before, I was a retarded 14 year old. Now I'm a retarded 17 year old, and that's a huge difference. I'm no longer a meandering, depressed, shy little boy. I'm a confident, social, happy young man... but my firm grasp on life that it took me this long to gain is about to be yanked away in exchange for something completely different. I'm scared shitless.
Everything is changing in life. I'm preparing to exit - to uproot myself from my current life and make one for myself. Chances are I won't know any of the same people within a year, and I'll be new to every experience. Friday night was my last performance as a member of my high school's marching band. I'll never play another note as a member of the ensemble that essentially raised me to become the person I am today... which is infinitely better than the person I was before. Before, I was a retarded 14 year old. Now I'm a retarded 17 year old, and that's a huge difference. I'm no longer a meandering, depressed, shy little boy. I'm a confident, social, happy young man... but my firm grasp on life that it took me this long to gain is about to be yanked away in exchange for something completely different. I'm scared shitless.
October 15, 2009
Imagine my face on one of those Barack Obama "Progress" Posters
Because I've applied to three colleges and already accepted at one. It was only my safety that let me in so far, but... it's good to see that I got into my safety school at the very least. As I predicted, as high school finds itself in full swing, all sorts of drama is created around me while I remain out of the loop (for which I am grateful) but yet still pressured to give advice. While new relationships form, old relationships die, and new crushes are created and old ones reawakened, I remain in a constant state. I usually hate this once winter rolls around, but fall is always the best time to simply enjoy life. That is, while school is going on anyway. Of course summer is the proper time for fulfilling your dreams.
Anyway, I've also had to weed my way through a bunch of shit lately, which I'll elaborate on shortly. Stay tuned (I'm missing school right now to finish an essay for a scholarship, so I shouldn't really be dicking around.)
Anyway, I've also had to weed my way through a bunch of shit lately, which I'll elaborate on shortly. Stay tuned (I'm missing school right now to finish an essay for a scholarship, so I shouldn't really be dicking around.)
October 3, 2009
The Lifestyle
A two week gap without posting... while a lot has happened in these two weeks worth making an extended blog post, I can't help feel that the distance between posts signifies my fulfillment of a facet of a stereotypical white man: Making a blog for a few months, mostly scattered with posts about how "I'm sorry for not posting in a long time" and then eventually forgetting that it ever existed. What a shame.
Anyway, it most be noted that a week from this post, the marching band placed first in Class A competition at our first tournament of the year. For that, I am extremely proud. What I am upset about is the fact that we have reached the point where the activity is no longer fun but a big bundle of stress and bullshit to weed through. It has happened every year and the last two rehearsals since then have been... stressful and full of bullshit.
However, other things seem to have been going well. I've re-realized the amount of silent support I have from my friends. I've gone a long time without needing any, but after a shitty band rehearsal left me doubting my abilities as a leader and the relevancy of an entire summer, I was pleased to find that this support had never left. I gave one of my friends the gift of a mix CD which I have been so meticulously preparing for the last month and a half. I even attempted to remix it before giving it to her, but I realized at 3 am the night before that I am hopeless at screwing with audio. I might go into more detail about the subject of my audio escapades at some later date. Not now though - my music preferences seem to change so often that trying to pin it down into one post seems incredibly futile.
Speaking of last night, I have a recipe for having one of the most enjoyable Friday nights when there is shitty weather. Rent kung-fu movies, and proceed to watch without English subtitles whilst making up your own dialogue. It ended up being the most nerdgasmic experiences I've had in a good while in the midst of my continual stress over getting into college.
Another thing about college: This Wednesday I attended my school's college night, where I was excited to meet one of the representatives from the College of Engineering at the University of Michigan. Since she was also on the scholarship committee, I tried to impress her with my status as a National Merit Semifinalist, to which I was told "Yeah, we don't give out scholarships for National Merit. Asshole," and then when I asked about class sizes, the response was basically "FUCK YOU FOR ASKING," since it is a gigantic school.
Essentially, life is going on as normal; I've lost interest in anything that doesn't affect me at the moment, so forgive me if I'm just being boring.
Anyway, it most be noted that a week from this post, the marching band placed first in Class A competition at our first tournament of the year. For that, I am extremely proud. What I am upset about is the fact that we have reached the point where the activity is no longer fun but a big bundle of stress and bullshit to weed through. It has happened every year and the last two rehearsals since then have been... stressful and full of bullshit.
However, other things seem to have been going well. I've re-realized the amount of silent support I have from my friends. I've gone a long time without needing any, but after a shitty band rehearsal left me doubting my abilities as a leader and the relevancy of an entire summer, I was pleased to find that this support had never left. I gave one of my friends the gift of a mix CD which I have been so meticulously preparing for the last month and a half. I even attempted to remix it before giving it to her, but I realized at 3 am the night before that I am hopeless at screwing with audio. I might go into more detail about the subject of my audio escapades at some later date. Not now though - my music preferences seem to change so often that trying to pin it down into one post seems incredibly futile.
Speaking of last night, I have a recipe for having one of the most enjoyable Friday nights when there is shitty weather. Rent kung-fu movies, and proceed to watch without English subtitles whilst making up your own dialogue. It ended up being the most nerdgasmic experiences I've had in a good while in the midst of my continual stress over getting into college.
Another thing about college: This Wednesday I attended my school's college night, where I was excited to meet one of the representatives from the College of Engineering at the University of Michigan. Since she was also on the scholarship committee, I tried to impress her with my status as a National Merit Semifinalist, to which I was told "Yeah, we don't give out scholarships for National Merit. Asshole," and then when I asked about class sizes, the response was basically "FUCK YOU FOR ASKING," since it is a gigantic school.
Essentially, life is going on as normal; I've lost interest in anything that doesn't affect me at the moment, so forgive me if I'm just being boring.
September 18, 2009
College Applications and The Big Crunch Scenario
I've spent the last week frantically attempting to keep my life centered upon the needle head that is high school. Life, as of late, has been mostly comprised of schoolwork, college applications, and music. Schoolwork, as it goes, is ridiculously greater than I would prefer or consider useful toward a high school level education. Music has been reduced to the occasional marching band rehearsal and a brief 20 minute session with me and a marimba each day between the end of my 3rd period and my inevitable transit to KAMSC. College applications, on the other hand, are something entirely new.
I've never actually had a sibling who has gone to college, seeing as how I am the oldest child in my nuclear family. Since the years in which both of my parents went to college, applying to a university has become things that they were once not: competitive, risky, difficult, and costly. I would go on on that subject, but I'm not exactly in a position to whine (since I do have to get into college). Long story short, I have very few resources available for knowing how exactly to apply to a college successfully, and it's stressing me out.
The school that is most worrying to me is the University of Michigan. While I would like to go there a bit more than most other schools, it is currently my priority to get my application sent there first. (behind my safety school of course) However, in addition to three fairly challenging essay/short answers, their online application is ridiculous. For example, my acceptance to any university is largely dependent on my list of extracurricular activities. Michigan only allows you to list these activities in a section that contains very vague categorizations of activities in which you participated. I participated in two ensembles that would qualify as "marching bands" for example, but one is over three years and takes up maybe nine hours a week for ten weeks; the other is only seven weeks long but is a twenty-four hour activity. How do I state this? College applications are truly horrible.
I feel that in addition to my stress over college applications (which includes the problems involved with getting one school to send transcripts to the other, and the other to package these transcripts with their own along with counselor recommendations), stress related to schoolwork (which is always prevalent in my life) could ultimately spell the end of one age of my life as soon as the month of December.
I metaphorically referred to high school as the head of a needle on which my life is precariously balanced. The reason that I feel this way is that outside factors (such as teachers, programs, etc.) influence my life by continually pouring more responsibility and more burden into it. As the weight bearing down on me increases, it becomes increasingly hard to maintain a strong pivot atop the needle and I become more likely to fall (in terms of grades especially; also socially, musically). However, if I can successfully maintain a decent balance of all the responsibility that is being added, eventually the burden becomes too great and high school will quite literally rip me apart.
This is not too far distant from the theory of the Big Crunch, which is a theory about how the universe will end. Let's assume that I am the universe. (I just realized that Universe sounds a lot like University... hopefully that's just a coincidence.) Instead of growing at the accelerated rate that every student intends to do in order to be successful, more and more stars and heavenly bodies crop up, which increases the gravitational force pulling the edges of the universe inward, back toward is origin. Eventually, with the addition of enough matter into the interior of the universe to increase the gravitational stress created on the edges, the universe will begin to accelerate inward until all the matter in the universe collapses inward on itself, leaving behind a singularity of infinite density containing all of the matter in what was once known as the universe. At that point, the universe we once knew is completely gone; any new universes created in a subsequent big bang would almost certainly have different physical properties than our own that inhibit any potential for life to exist. This can also be interpreted as "I have no hope of getting into the same Universities that I was once capable of getting into before my life imploded in on itself because of stress, leaving me to meander about the remaining year of high school aimlessly without any real purpose to it." The same idea applies to so many situations in life that the evidence of unmanageable stress causing emotional collapse is undeniable. I am truly scared of what is to become of me over the next year before college.
I've never actually had a sibling who has gone to college, seeing as how I am the oldest child in my nuclear family. Since the years in which both of my parents went to college, applying to a university has become things that they were once not: competitive, risky, difficult, and costly. I would go on on that subject, but I'm not exactly in a position to whine (since I do have to get into college). Long story short, I have very few resources available for knowing how exactly to apply to a college successfully, and it's stressing me out.
The school that is most worrying to me is the University of Michigan. While I would like to go there a bit more than most other schools, it is currently my priority to get my application sent there first. (behind my safety school of course) However, in addition to three fairly challenging essay/short answers, their online application is ridiculous. For example, my acceptance to any university is largely dependent on my list of extracurricular activities. Michigan only allows you to list these activities in a section that contains very vague categorizations of activities in which you participated. I participated in two ensembles that would qualify as "marching bands" for example, but one is over three years and takes up maybe nine hours a week for ten weeks; the other is only seven weeks long but is a twenty-four hour activity. How do I state this? College applications are truly horrible.
I feel that in addition to my stress over college applications (which includes the problems involved with getting one school to send transcripts to the other, and the other to package these transcripts with their own along with counselor recommendations), stress related to schoolwork (which is always prevalent in my life) could ultimately spell the end of one age of my life as soon as the month of December.
I metaphorically referred to high school as the head of a needle on which my life is precariously balanced. The reason that I feel this way is that outside factors (such as teachers, programs, etc.) influence my life by continually pouring more responsibility and more burden into it. As the weight bearing down on me increases, it becomes increasingly hard to maintain a strong pivot atop the needle and I become more likely to fall (in terms of grades especially; also socially, musically). However, if I can successfully maintain a decent balance of all the responsibility that is being added, eventually the burden becomes too great and high school will quite literally rip me apart.
This is not too far distant from the theory of the Big Crunch, which is a theory about how the universe will end. Let's assume that I am the universe. (I just realized that Universe sounds a lot like University... hopefully that's just a coincidence.) Instead of growing at the accelerated rate that every student intends to do in order to be successful, more and more stars and heavenly bodies crop up, which increases the gravitational force pulling the edges of the universe inward, back toward is origin. Eventually, with the addition of enough matter into the interior of the universe to increase the gravitational stress created on the edges, the universe will begin to accelerate inward until all the matter in the universe collapses inward on itself, leaving behind a singularity of infinite density containing all of the matter in what was once known as the universe. At that point, the universe we once knew is completely gone; any new universes created in a subsequent big bang would almost certainly have different physical properties than our own that inhibit any potential for life to exist. This can also be interpreted as "I have no hope of getting into the same Universities that I was once capable of getting into before my life imploded in on itself because of stress, leaving me to meander about the remaining year of high school aimlessly without any real purpose to it." The same idea applies to so many situations in life that the evidence of unmanageable stress causing emotional collapse is undeniable. I am truly scared of what is to become of me over the next year before college.
September 12, 2009
Because I'm Still In High School...
...I feel obliged to announce my opinion on my schedule since I just finished my first week of class.
French is going to be the exact same shit that it has been for 5 years: pretend to read/write/speak/understand a language I don't know or care about. I was coerced into taking it another year because apparently this last year will permit me to pass an entrance examination to some schools that would otherwise force me to take such language classes in college.
English... don't even get me started on English. Our school is an International Baccalaureate school, meaning that the kids here are slaves to homework and don't understand what it is like to actually learn in school or acquire knowledge in a manner that is deemed appropriate by colleges... or employers. My feelings of malevolence toward the IB program were enhanced by my IB English Oral presentation last year, which may be why I was so reluctant to sign up for another year of this bullshit. My presentation was scheduled for the Wednesday after a Legends weekend camp, and I hadn't had any time to write it or prepare any homework. So I stayed awake for more than 72 hours in order to complete both my homework and write/memorize my presentation. Needless to say, by the time it was time for me to present, I was a complete zombie and failed. I became the first person in Portage Central history to put forth an honest effort on this project and fail. Perhaps the worst part is that I honestly can't remember those three days. I have no recollection other than the actual moment of truth. I was so frustrated that I resigned myself never to complete another assignment for that class. Unfortunately, I had just missed the dual enrollment deadline for English classes at some local colleges, and it would be transcript suicide to drop down from IB English to regular English during my senior year. So, here I am in another year of IB English. We'll see how things play out.
Determined to drop at least one IB class, I discontinued my career in IB History in exchange for AP Psychology, which should hopefully be more interesting. Then I have a nice long lunch period (occasionally 2.5 hours) before classes start downtown at KAMSC. Then I have Organic Chemistry, which is supposedly a horrible class. Scary shit. After that, AP Statistics, which is supposedly taught by a horrible teacher and is a horrible subject. I wrap up my day with Geology, which is both interesting (to me) and taught by the one of the best teachers (if not the best) I've ever had. Finish strong!
Although my schedule was originally intended to be low-stress in order to actually be happy my senior year, it has turned out to be a moderate disaster regarding workload. This pressure is increased by the fact that my top-choice college, University of Michigan, will probably not accept me due to my recalculated GPA of 3.5. Oddly, I've been told that I'm more likely to get into the more selective College of Engineering because of my 35 ACT math score. I hope that I do get in there, but I'm not determined to go there... but I'd still be disappointed. U of M always accepts most KAMSC students, and I don't really want to be a member of the few that don't.
The stress that seems to have consistently followed me through high school (despite my best efforts at avoiding it) I've only recently realized are due entirely to the sheer quantity of homework that the average student has to put up with on a daily basis. Ironically, it's almost a better method of teaching to not assign homework. In my previous physics course, there was never any homework other than the occasional lab report, but I've retained more from that class than any other I've had in high school because of the pressure that is put on the students to actually study the material and the fact that the teacher actually teaches the class instead of relying on some textbook or some homework problems to do the work for them. In addition to being a much more low-stress option for the student, it makes the students so much smarter, since being fed homework assignments to do is nothing compared to the real-world value of leaving students to fend/study for themselves. If someone shirks the responsibility of studying for an exam, he/she deserves to fail, and I'm sick of our public schools kissing the asses of their student body. School shouldn't be about getting every kid to pass; it's about giving them the tools necessary to pass. I'm sure this is a topic that has been beaten to death by educational committees around the globe, but I can't help but whine about it until somebody with the power to change things is willing to address the issue.
French is going to be the exact same shit that it has been for 5 years: pretend to read/write/speak/understand a language I don't know or care about. I was coerced into taking it another year because apparently this last year will permit me to pass an entrance examination to some schools that would otherwise force me to take such language classes in college.
English... don't even get me started on English. Our school is an International Baccalaureate school, meaning that the kids here are slaves to homework and don't understand what it is like to actually learn in school or acquire knowledge in a manner that is deemed appropriate by colleges... or employers. My feelings of malevolence toward the IB program were enhanced by my IB English Oral presentation last year, which may be why I was so reluctant to sign up for another year of this bullshit. My presentation was scheduled for the Wednesday after a Legends weekend camp, and I hadn't had any time to write it or prepare any homework. So I stayed awake for more than 72 hours in order to complete both my homework and write/memorize my presentation. Needless to say, by the time it was time for me to present, I was a complete zombie and failed. I became the first person in Portage Central history to put forth an honest effort on this project and fail. Perhaps the worst part is that I honestly can't remember those three days. I have no recollection other than the actual moment of truth. I was so frustrated that I resigned myself never to complete another assignment for that class. Unfortunately, I had just missed the dual enrollment deadline for English classes at some local colleges, and it would be transcript suicide to drop down from IB English to regular English during my senior year. So, here I am in another year of IB English. We'll see how things play out.
Determined to drop at least one IB class, I discontinued my career in IB History in exchange for AP Psychology, which should hopefully be more interesting. Then I have a nice long lunch period (occasionally 2.5 hours) before classes start downtown at KAMSC. Then I have Organic Chemistry, which is supposedly a horrible class. Scary shit. After that, AP Statistics, which is supposedly taught by a horrible teacher and is a horrible subject. I wrap up my day with Geology, which is both interesting (to me) and taught by the one of the best teachers (if not the best) I've ever had. Finish strong!
Although my schedule was originally intended to be low-stress in order to actually be happy my senior year, it has turned out to be a moderate disaster regarding workload. This pressure is increased by the fact that my top-choice college, University of Michigan, will probably not accept me due to my recalculated GPA of 3.5. Oddly, I've been told that I'm more likely to get into the more selective College of Engineering because of my 35 ACT math score. I hope that I do get in there, but I'm not determined to go there... but I'd still be disappointed. U of M always accepts most KAMSC students, and I don't really want to be a member of the few that don't.
The stress that seems to have consistently followed me through high school (despite my best efforts at avoiding it) I've only recently realized are due entirely to the sheer quantity of homework that the average student has to put up with on a daily basis. Ironically, it's almost a better method of teaching to not assign homework. In my previous physics course, there was never any homework other than the occasional lab report, but I've retained more from that class than any other I've had in high school because of the pressure that is put on the students to actually study the material and the fact that the teacher actually teaches the class instead of relying on some textbook or some homework problems to do the work for them. In addition to being a much more low-stress option for the student, it makes the students so much smarter, since being fed homework assignments to do is nothing compared to the real-world value of leaving students to fend/study for themselves. If someone shirks the responsibility of studying for an exam, he/she deserves to fail, and I'm sick of our public schools kissing the asses of their student body. School shouldn't be about getting every kid to pass; it's about giving them the tools necessary to pass. I'm sure this is a topic that has been beaten to death by educational committees around the globe, but I can't help but whine about it until somebody with the power to change things is willing to address the issue.
September 6, 2009
What the News Does to Poor People Like Me
It should be noted that on my lazy labor day weekend, instead of getting ahead on my college applications and essays, I plopped down on the sofa and watched two hours of CNN in the middle of the afternoon. On a perfectly sunny day. Oh why, oh why did I make this decision?
The day revolved chiefly around four major stories:
- Barack Obama wants to speak to children, and this is a problem to some.
- A wildfire in California goes nuts and destroys half the state. Arson investigation.
- Some guy in Georgia kills an entire family living in a mobile home. 8 people.
- Two cops in an unmarked car without uniforms shoot and kill a preacher because they think he's involved in a drug transaction. His last words were "Who shot me?"
To be honest, based on my knowledge of the workings of society (and don't read me incorrectly), the only one I have a serious problem with is the first of these stories. The others can all be explained by the fact that in any nation of 300 million people, there will be the psychopathic killers, the unfortunate accidents, and the criminals who got more than they bargained for. While I feel terrible about everything that has happened, I accept it as something that doesn't taint my image of the American society, or reflect negatively upon the intelligence and functionality of its citizens.
The fact that people don't want Barack Obama to speak at their public schools, on the other hand, does all of these things. I watched an argument in favor of canceling his visitations on CNN (the only good one, kudos to the guy-whose-name-I've-already-forgotten for raising it) that had to do with Obama's once-controversial lesson plan being distributed directly to the principals of the planned schools without contacting the state departments of education, the parents of the students, or even the superintendents of these schools. On the other hand, 99.99% of the other arguments are based on the belief that Obama is a socialist hell-bent on destroying America's market economy, and that they don't want him to brainwash their kids. The especially large controversy revolves around a line in this lesson plan that was changed almost immediately which asks, "How does the president inspire you?" (In reality, it was asked, "How did the president inspire you?" intended to be asked after his speech was already given.) Now, prepare for me to unleash my skills at angered reasoning.
I have a problem with a lot of things here. First of all, Obama is the freaking President, and anyone who won't even listen to the President is unpatriotic. Even though I am a self-proclaimed liberal by nature, I would listen to ol' W. speak even though I could disagree with nearly everything he said. Also, I don't give half a shit about the inspiration line; his speech is a speech intended to inspire kids to stay in school through all the shit that all inner-city school children have to face every day at home and in school. (AN 9/15: Surprise, I'm correct.)
To be honest though, I neither care about whether others are patriotic nor if people are concerned that Obama "inspires" their children. What I have a problem with is the constant rejection of Obama's persistent, obvious attempts at eliminating partisanship within both the federal government and on a personal level with those who actually listen to him. Instead, Americans become more close-minded and angry than I've ever seen in my 17 years.
On a federal level, the idea that bipartisanship accomplishes the most in all branches of government is prevalent to the point where it is practically carved in stone. In spite of this, the partisan divide (esp. in Congress) has grown so wide that it is essentially beyond repair. The well-needed stimulus package from early this year was passed through the faults of both major political parties in Congress. The Republican Party, hell-bent on shooting down any plan that involved spending money, refused to see reason and ignored the reality that America was going down the shitter. Instead of revising the bill more, or arguing more, the Democratic Party used their majority to pass the bill through both houses with almost no votes from the GOP, alienating the ailing party even more. In summary: Congress has devolved into one gigantic shouting match, with neither side actually listening to the other.
To a large extent, this idea is also reflected by the reaction of the public school systems and the involved parents who don't want their children to hear Barack Obama speak. While the speech itself has nothing to do with any political platform, or any message that a good parent wouldn't want their kids to hear, people deny their kids to hear the man based on their belief that he is a socialist or an extreme left-winger. I don't give a shit if you disagree with his views - that doesn't mean that you shouldn't listen to him - that is what is completely dismantling the country! Like I said, while I disagree with many conservative political figures, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't listen to them at all, regardless of the topic of conversation. The accusation that Obama would brainwash their children is even more ridiculous; humans, even children, are capable of disagreeing with what Barack Obama says. I'm more concerned about indoctrination from parents in this case than indoctrination from the President.
Anyway, sorry if I alienated anybody with my whiny gripes about politics. While I try to remain fairly objective in any political writings, my liberal bias definitely escaped into this blog. If anybody wants to talk about it, contact me and we can have a civil politically themed discussion sometime. Goodbye for now.
World War II Movies
I just finished watching Defiance, starring Daniel Craig.
I thought it was a very good film, and thought to myself that it was one of the better WWII movies that I've seen. But then I realized that there are almost no World War II movies that I don't like. I'm not exactly a violence junkie, but the only WWII movie that I honestly haven't liked is Hart's War, and that may just be because I watched it on FX when I was 12. Oh yeah, and maybe Pearl Harbor. Other than that, all the other WWII movies I've seen were excellent. Saving Private Ryan, Valkyrie, Inglorious Basterds, Atonement, The Pianist, Schindler's List, Memphis Belle, and Empire of the Sun are all the other WWII movies that I have seen according to Wikipedia's list. And they're all really good! My hypothesis is that poor WWII films aren't released because it was such a significant parable in American history that any shoddy attempts at a movie would be considered disrespectful to war veterans or holocaust survivors, or whoever may have had a role. The reason I don't think this is true is because there is an assload of shitty WWII video games.
I suppose I'm making this post out of boredom more than anything, since I don't have anything important to say that doesn't take a significant amount of time to write. I probably have something to say about this whole Barack-Obama-in-the-schools "controversy," so stick around.
I thought it was a very good film, and thought to myself that it was one of the better WWII movies that I've seen. But then I realized that there are almost no World War II movies that I don't like. I'm not exactly a violence junkie, but the only WWII movie that I honestly haven't liked is Hart's War, and that may just be because I watched it on FX when I was 12. Oh yeah, and maybe Pearl Harbor. Other than that, all the other WWII movies I've seen were excellent. Saving Private Ryan, Valkyrie, Inglorious Basterds, Atonement, The Pianist, Schindler's List, Memphis Belle, and Empire of the Sun are all the other WWII movies that I have seen according to Wikipedia's list. And they're all really good! My hypothesis is that poor WWII films aren't released because it was such a significant parable in American history that any shoddy attempts at a movie would be considered disrespectful to war veterans or holocaust survivors, or whoever may have had a role. The reason I don't think this is true is because there is an assload of shitty WWII video games.
I suppose I'm making this post out of boredom more than anything, since I don't have anything important to say that doesn't take a significant amount of time to write. I probably have something to say about this whole Barack-Obama-in-the-schools "controversy," so stick around.
September 2, 2009
Literature
I managed (barely) to finish reading The Bell Jar, by Sylvia Plath. The infamous novel about a girl who gets depressed and goes batshit for no reason. There are a lot of reasons for me to despise many of the literary "classics" that compose even the most generic of high school English curriculums, but this one seems to have revealed to me the chief reason why I despise them. A novel can't be engaging in any way, shape, or form if the main character is not someone the reader sympathizes with. (This only applies to character-driven literature, in contrast to Blindness, which is basically an analysis of fictional events) In the same fashion as Anna Karenina, Wuthering Heights, and the Scarlet Letter, the author constructs a character (in this case a really really poorly disguised representation of the author herself) that is so deeply flawed that instead of feeling like the character is dealing with a lot of shit and feeling bad for them, the reader wants to punch them in the face for being so fucking retarded. I guess that really limits the expanse of literature that I am capable of appreciating.
On the other hand, it might have to do with the fact that I have neither had an illegitimate child, had an affair, been suicidally depressed, or... been a freakish asshole? (fucking Wuthering Heights) It doesn't seem like you can appreciate a story like that unless you've been in the author's shoes or else in the masterfully crafted situation which I highly-doubt-the-author-hasn't-found-himself/herself.
Outside of this shit, I went to Chicago for the weekend, and did all kinds of fun shit. The city is always neat. Visited Northwestern University, which is expensive as hell but the place that I would want to be had I the money to go. I found the uber-hard-to-find remaster of Porcupine Tree's Lightbulb Sun. And bought some other entertainment items. Cool.
On the other hand, it might have to do with the fact that I have neither had an illegitimate child, had an affair, been suicidally depressed, or... been a freakish asshole? (fucking Wuthering Heights) It doesn't seem like you can appreciate a story like that unless you've been in the author's shoes or else in the masterfully crafted situation which I highly-doubt-the-author-hasn't-found-himself/herself.
Outside of this shit, I went to Chicago for the weekend, and did all kinds of fun shit. The city is always neat. Visited Northwestern University, which is expensive as hell but the place that I would want to be had I the money to go. I found the uber-hard-to-find remaster of Porcupine Tree's Lightbulb Sun. And bought some other entertainment items. Cool.
August 29, 2009
Friday Nights = Testosterone Overload
I say this because we played at our first football game. Show was okay, nerves got to some people I'm guessing.
Normally after halftime I go back to the football games to piss around with people I know, but I knew from the moment I saw my senior class run onto the field before the game that I didn't want to meet any of these people. Besides, it was raining.
So, we went and saw the movie G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. This movie earns my respect not because it's good, but because it's the perfect movie for watching with a carefree audience. We were literally dying of laughter throughout the entire movie. This is the perfect go-see-a-movie-with-your-friends-film because it's bad filmmaking that one can appreciate!
I also watched Adventureland recently... that was very meh. It just makes me laugh that Jesse Eisenberg has inherited Rob Pattinson's role as the guy that Kristen Stewart makes out with. I find this to be a victory on the side of the people of average attractiveness.
August 26, 2009
A Short Book Review: Blindness
Blindness - José SaramagoBasically, this was a summer reading assignment. Generally the only reviews of books I will post is because I was forced to read it. As much as I appreciate good literature, I will rarely read during my free time. Just sayin'.
Anyway, I'd have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this book. The novel details the experiences of seven people coping with the circumstances of an entire country being suddenly stricken with a contagious form of blindness known as "white blindness." The premise is weird, yes, but it forces you to examine the events of the novel from a perspective that I've never had to encounter before, in which the characters under scrutiny cannot see. The novel is also extremely dark and horrifying; much of the action in the book takes place in an abandoned mental asylum where approximately 300 of the blind are interned in a feeble attempt at quarantining the first people to succumb to the blindness. As living conditions deteriorate, so does the civility of the people being kept there; this eventually leads to terrifyingly detailed scenes of gang rape, mass murder, and panic. The novel is constantly engaging, and there is a ridiculous amount of symbolism to found in everything from the mass blindness itself to a simple pair of scissors.
In summary: Go read it.
Intro
I've been particularly interested in making a fully functional, interesting blog to post all my random shit. Initially my plan was to make a blog in which I post on the most mundane of all Wednesdays about what the hell is going on in my not-all-that-crazy life, maybe post some stuff that I enjoy or maybe just some random book/movie reviews of mine.
This blog took off like a year ago and this appears to be the first post. The reason for this is that the only eventful shit that goes down reminds me of some other part of my being that makes everything posted beforehand completely irrelevant to a continuous log of life. Maybe the fact that it's still summer keeps me sane enough to gain the courage/initiative to continue posting without feeling ashamed about the things I write. I will NOT be writing only on Wednesdays though. Wednesday is:
I spent this summer with Legends Drum and Bugle Corps, getting whip-ass at mallet instruments in the front ensemble, and then leading my own front ensemble in my high school's marching band. Oddly, both turned out to be equally stressful. Drum corps is by far the more intense activity, but I happened to do well since I have a good work ethic (the reason why I did drum corps in the first place was solely for self-improvement, and I'm definitely seeing the results, especially since returning to my hometown on August 9th) On the other hand, I fear that this is the exact reason why marching band has become so stressful. While I know what it is like to work hard and have the motivation to do so, I find myself disappointed in others who lack the enthusiasm or vigor necessary to satisfy me or excel as a high school front ensemble. Oh well. I'm still working on it.
Musically, I plan on taking it easy with the numerous ensembles that consumed my time last year. No KJSO, no summer Legends - just winter Legends and marching band this year. On the other hand I'm making room in my schedule for private lessons so that I can become good enough to continue with music in college, where everything is more competitive.
This blog took off like a year ago and this appears to be the first post. The reason for this is that the only eventful shit that goes down reminds me of some other part of my being that makes everything posted beforehand completely irrelevant to a continuous log of life. Maybe the fact that it's still summer keeps me sane enough to gain the courage/initiative to continue posting without feeling ashamed about the things I write. I will NOT be writing only on Wednesdays though. Wednesday is:
- The shittiest day of the week
- The middle of the week (cliffhangers + blogs = pointless)
- Boring as hell
I spent this summer with Legends Drum and Bugle Corps, getting whip-ass at mallet instruments in the front ensemble, and then leading my own front ensemble in my high school's marching band. Oddly, both turned out to be equally stressful. Drum corps is by far the more intense activity, but I happened to do well since I have a good work ethic (the reason why I did drum corps in the first place was solely for self-improvement, and I'm definitely seeing the results, especially since returning to my hometown on August 9th) On the other hand, I fear that this is the exact reason why marching band has become so stressful. While I know what it is like to work hard and have the motivation to do so, I find myself disappointed in others who lack the enthusiasm or vigor necessary to satisfy me or excel as a high school front ensemble. Oh well. I'm still working on it.
Musically, I plan on taking it easy with the numerous ensembles that consumed my time last year. No KJSO, no summer Legends - just winter Legends and marching band this year. On the other hand I'm making room in my schedule for private lessons so that I can become good enough to continue with music in college, where everything is more competitive.
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