Apathy

That's the answer to the obvious question.  I think I'm sort of the opposite of most writers/bloggers in that I cannot write for shit when I'm not in my right mind.  Here's a brief summary of where I'm at right now, though:

• Mental health is wildly inconsistent and overall terrible
• I get wound up and angry far more than anybody over the age of 15 should
• Overall, grades are much poorer
• Convinced I'm in the wrong field of study but inexplicably can't think of anything better.  Apathy is also a huge hindrance in this area too, because I can't think of anything that I am good at and that I like. 
• For the first time I can remember since I was like 14, free of sexual or emotional attraction to anybody (even Friendzone and especially Girl A, let alone anybody I'm meeting in school)
• Still looking for something to do over the summer - study, work, whatever
• Addicted to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Shamrock Shakes, and Pokemon Puzzle League
• Most likely depressed, I will admit I'm avoiding treatment out of shame/skepticism
• A lot more homework to deal with than expected/wanted and more than last semester
• Trying desperately to come up with a life plan in an attempt to correct my current aimlessness.  Implausibility aside, this is one of the few good things I've been up to lately.
• Finally, making friends in class.  Specifically my engineering class where we often work in teams.

I wanted to end on the happy stuff.  I mean, life isn't treating me all that great right now and frankly I'm quite scared of living.  It's only hitting me just now how unprepared I am to live independently - monetarily, romantically, emotionally, etc.  But I'm also realizing how important it is for me to be able to do these things if I'm going to stay alive.