WIZARDS

Ralph Bakshi's "Wizards"

As you probably know, I am a large fan of movies that are so profoundly stupid and bad that they become enjoyable to watch.

This is sort of in the same vein as the "uncanny valley," a phenomenon in human psychology in which something that is somewhat close to resembling a human being creates strong feelings of disgust and revolt in most people. Basically you'll understand what I mean if you see movies like Beowulf, or the Polar Express. While they are much more realistic than, say, some of the stylized versions of humans seen in other similarly animated entertainment outlets (Final Fantasy Final Fantasy Final Fantasy), they are terrifyingly creepy, and this pattern holds true with me.

Conversely, when it comes to film viewing, there is a certain point in time when a movie is so ridiculous and unbelievable, something that doesn't even try to be good becomes absolutely hilarious and incredible.

This film, my friends, is called "Wizards," and it was made in 1977.

From its random, out-of-place, and poorly done rotoscoping, to its absurd dialogue, to its random battle cries, to its nonsensical plot, to the incredible twist ending, and especially to its occasional moments of completely inappropriate levels of violence, Ralph Bakshi has accomplished an incredible feat.

One of the most fascinating parts of the movie, upon wikipedia'ing it, is that this movie was actually critically acclaimed upon its release. Needless to say, it hasn't aged well. (Really, it hasn't. This is what makes it good.) The plot, while unimportant considering the amount of entertainment this movie provides at unexpected points, incorporates elements of World War II, The Cold War, and the War for Middle-Earth. Many, many years after the Earth is annihilated by nuclear warfare, mythical creatures return to inhabit the remaining, non-radioactive forests and mountains, while mutated creatures live in the contaminated areas. Two wizard brothers are born onto opposing ends of the good-evil spectrum, one being a stout old man living in a phallic-shaped house. The other is a Nazi who eats the meat of Jews and is intent on taking over the entire world by using a projector to display Hitler's old speeches in order to empower his own army and confuse the shit out of the other side while they get killed. So the good wizard sets out on a quest with a retarded robot, a very pubescent young elf-thing, and a half-naked fairy in order to put his bro's reign of terror to a halt.

If there is one reason you need to see this movie, it is because of the angry little elf guy. He screams so fucking much. And it's hilarious every time. One especially good scene features him putting his pimp hand into action while screaming "SLUT!" at our young naked fairy lady-thing.

Oh yeah, and the only reason I wanted to bring up the uncanny valley was because I read about it on Wikipedia while writing this and found it to be absolutely hilarious. So it is sort of relevant.